3 Things I learned in the Wal Mart check out line…

I was in Wal-Mart getting some back to school stuff for my kids and while in line, this little kid behind me was throwing a tantrum. That wasn’t so bad. It was the tantrum the mother was throwing that was driving me over the edge. I can however, relate. We have 3 kids and there have been many times when correcting them in public has been more about the preservation of our pride than the teaching moment for our children. Here’s three things I got to learn again …

1. Who you become tomorrow is being determined by your choices today.

She didn’t get that crazy right then and there in Wal-Mart, I am convinced of it. The way she was yelling and raving in public, it was clear that there have been years of choices that are playing a very big role in who is she today. Her pattern of dealing with stress, her kids, or life’s curveballs didn’t develop in that check-out line. There’s an old saying …. “Your problem is not your problem, the way you handle your problem is your problem. When we make choices that we regret later, it is often easy to excuse them away. “I didn’t mean to … I was stressed … that’s not my heart … Normally I don’t do that.” The problem with this kind of justification is that is only enables our self flattering view, and keeps us from looking deeper into the “why” behind why we chose what we chose. It is only when we understand the pay-off of our choices (no matter how dark they are) that we able to choose something different the next time. This is the fundamental starting point of transformation. Susan calls it “the power of the notice.” (Romans 12:1-2)

2. Your words create your world.

Our words are powerful. They are thoughts that have graduated. We often try to excuse our words, when ultimately, they are a great resource to us: they reveal what we really believe. The mind always justifies what the heart has already chosen, and as a very wise man once said, “out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.”

Everyone in the store could hear all about her world. “You’re driving me nuts!” “You are out of control!” “What’s your problem?” As if yelling these things would cause her kid to wipe his nose, apologize, and offer to help with dinner. These words simply reveal a belief system that is reinforcing a pattern of relating to her child. “I believe you are out of control and have a problem, therefore I relate to you like that’s who you are.” Naturally, there are elements of truth in her perception – the child was in fact throwing a tantrum. However, what could transform in that parent-child relationship if she inquired about why the tantrum was happening? Our words are very powerful, and the relationships in our lives could all go to deeper levels if we asked more sincere questions rather than making suffocating matter-of-fact statements. (Proverbs 18:21)

3. When you’re in over your head, get help.

It is arguable that exchanging The National Inquirer in her cart for Today’s Parent might have been beneficial  for her that day. After all, even if she connects all the dots in Brad and Angelina’s relationship, she still has to contend with her 4-year-old eating the cat food in the kitchen.  Again, so easy for me to think such things when my kids were perfectly under control at the time. Well, I’m assuming that because they actually weren’t with me. Many times I am in over my head in dealing with various situations. I get help or I get worse. Therein lies the problem. This surprisingly difficult choice … humility.

Oh the horror. Am I to reveal to my spouse, my pastor, a mentor or a close friend that I am in over my head? Won’t disclosing my humanity send the world into chaos and anarchy at the notion that I am not perfect? Oh wait … they probably already see it. Darned blind spots. The world’s best-selling book of all time says “get wisdom, get understanding”. We don’t do that alone. (Proverbs 4)